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The Real Crime: Character Breakdown
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The Real Crime: Character Breakdown

The Crooks

Henry Hawks: 45-50, leader. Coming close to his 50th birthday, and so is re-evaluating his life and choices. The key to Henry is that when he's not super-frustrated, as he's become recently, he's a charming, even sweet guy. He's good and kind to Gwen, his wife and he's not a total dolt . He's had some success in the past, but not for a little while, and his luck's been bad, and his current compatriots are incompetent. A more ruthless gang leader would have replaced them. Despite his sometimes tough talk, he's really too nice.

Gwen Darcey: 28-32, Henry's current wife and perfectly honest about getting physical satisfaction elsewhere if she feels like it. Easily the best brains in the crew; has no shame in admitting she's with Henry because he's good to her and gives her money, which means she's doesn't have to work 9-5 or have children. And she enjoys excitement. She’s witty and politically sophisticated.

Boris Gaffney: 40-45, claims to be ex-Russian mafia, but his accent isn't very good and he doesn't seem to know much about Russia or the mafia other than what he's seen in movies. He's big and intimidating, though, so nobody really questions.

Gus Whitmore: 38, a bit mousy and nerdy, reads a lot of old detective paperbacks he gets at thrift stores, likes crime movies a lot but doesn't remember their details well, claims to be a safe-cracker and lockpick but no-one has seen him successfully get through anything but the simplest locks, but he's tremendously friendly and agreeable. Henry calls him "Putty Nose".

Viviane Megali: 28, friend of Gwen's from college and the person with whom Gwen gets her “physical satisfaction elsewhere”. Regardless of how nice she’s being she has her own agenda. A computer programmer/hacker and Lesbian who deliberately cultivates a sexy vixen look so that people will underestimate her while she completely robs them blind, and so that she can banter with the boys and generally annoy them.


The Film Crew

Ben Curtis: 34, works by day in a cubicle in a bank doing data processing, but nights and weekends makes no-budget movies, usually that involve horror and/or zombies, because he really likes doing special effects and stuff with guns. He is the director and cinematographer on all his films, because he's the one who's spent money to buy a camera and a few very bad photography lights, but more importantly he’s good at it. Not particularly sophisticated, but really enthusiastic and friendly.

Phil Agostini: 33, a friend of Ben's from high school, writes the scripts for all the movies and often acts in them while also being the Best Boy, gaffer, and sound engineer. Not particularly talented or even intelligent, he's convinced he's a truly great writer and knows all the ways of Hollywood.

Fay Peatty: 39, Ben's girlfriend. Always plays the love interest in the movies, though she is incredibly lazy and a chronic alcoholic. Lives off of money from previous husbands, who basically promised to pay her to go away. Very concerned with her upcoming 40th birthday, because she's pretty much convinced her life is over.

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